On Having It All

Recently a friend approached me, somewhat sad, I belatedly perceived. She asked, "it really is impossible to have it all, isn't it?" She is a beautiful, brilliant, mother with a fantastic career. My response was callous: "Well, of course not." I came to this conclusion more than a decade ago, and didn't realize how long it takes to get there.

I have never gotten to spend enough time with either kid. I have never gotten to take them to all the things. My daughter watched A LOT of TV so I could work and do homework and had no energy after that was done. Depression will do that to you. Shitty bosses were a huge feeder of my depression. Stress about money was a huge feeder of my depression. I feel guilty every day for the the toll it took on Mikela.

However, right now, I do have it all. Because "Having it All" means seeing my kids doing well, and doing work that is fulfilling. I have made amazing friends, and even if I don't see them enough, knowing they are there to call is so important. Getting to meet them for lunch once in a while makes a huge difference to me for weeks on end.

I have met most of my goals, now I am just making things better. Even if I struggle, when I see my kids happy, I know that I really do have it all.

Garrett turned my old multi-memory card reader into his "camera"

P.S. This post is in response to seeing Mikela work hard at school, and getting Garrett into a preschool I really think serves him well.