Like A Trapped Squirrel

Since a National Emergency was declared on Friday, March 13, 2020 for Coronavirus, I had not interacted in a public place. Curb-side pick-up of items for groceries and gardening not with standing.

On Friday March 20th, I went to Sprouts, the small, inexpensive natural food store I frequent weekly. This was first interaction with the public at large. It was disconcerting. And I finally get what people are feeling.

I had anticipated that this would be wonderful because I would be alone for the first time in a week. I was excited.

Everyone was unfailingly polite and kind. Smiles and greetings were tense. I wore gloves. Everyone else was too. No one was hoarding large quantities. But the tension was palpable. Physically palpable.

The lady at the cash register behind me had 2 kids with her, they looked tense. Her first 2 credit cards were declined. The third went through. Her order was $250.

I left feeling sick.

I met a Pueblo farmer at the gas station to purchase 4 young hens. He was kind and laughed when I explained I just need enough females to keep my roosters from killing each other. I still felt sick.

I came home stressed and jittery, put my new ladies in the coop, and brought the groceries inside. Rob wiped everything down as he put it away.

I felt sick and jittery all night. I slept fitfully, but woke with nightmares about being home alone while people are out looking for food. How do I defend my child and livestock? I came up with a plan and was finally able to sleep after 3 hours.

But I get it now.

Intellectually, I knew what was going on, but feeling it like that was so horrible, and so damn physical. I know medical workers are scared and frustrated an unsupported by the system they make work for all of us.

The only thing I can compare it to is 9/11, except this will gone for weeks and months.

We are about to enter an economic depression, and people are already feeling desperate. You may think I am a pessimist, I know many of you did running up to this. And I hope you are right, and I am wrong.

For now, I am happy that I have enough space to stay away from people.